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Some Meanings of Authentic Love  

2009-01-06 14:28:02|  分类: 默认分类 |  标签: |举报 |字号 订阅

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Love means that I know the person I love. I'm aware of the many sides of the other person-not just the beautiful side but also the limitations, inconsistencies and flaws. I have an awareness of the other's feelings and thoughts, and I experience something of the core of that person. I can penetrate social masks and roles and see the other person on a deeper level. 

爱意味着我了解我爱的人。我认识到对方的许多方面,不仅是美丽闪光的一面,还有能力上的不足、反复无常和性格上的缺陷。我了解对方的感情和想法,我能体验到那个人身上的某种本质的东西。我能透过对方社交场合的表现和在社会上的角色,看到他更深层次的品质。

 

Love means that I care about the welfare of the person I love, to the extent that it is genuine; my caring is not a smothering of the person or a possessive clinging. On the contrary, my caring liberates both of us. If I care about you, I’m concerned about your growth, and I hope you will become all that you can become. Consequently, I don’t put up roadblocks to what you do that enhances you as a person, even though it may result in my discomfort at times.

爱意味着我关心我爱的人的幸福健康。只要这种关心是真诚的,那么它就不会是某种压制或占有性的依附。与此相反,我的关心使我们两个人都不受到束缚。如果我关心你,我就会关注你的成长,我希望你将来成为一个有所作为的人,因此,对你为了提高自己的素质所做的事,我决不设置障碍,即使是你做的事情有时会使我不快。

 

Love means having respect for the dignity of the person I love. If I love you, I can see you as a separate person, with your own values and thoughts and feelings, and I do not insist that you surrender your identity and conform to an image of what I expect you to be for me. I can allow and encourage you to stand alone and to be who you are, and I avoid treating you as an object or using you primarily to gratify my own needs.

爱意味着尊重我爱的人的尊严。如果我爱你,我会把你看成是个独立的人,有自己的价值观、思想、和感情,我不会坚持让你放弃自己的特点,为了我使你自己变成一个我期望的那种人。我会允许并鼓励你保持独立,坚持自己的特色,我避免把你当作一件东西对待或用你来主要满足我自身的需要。

 

Love means having a responsibility toward the person I love. If I love you, I’m responsive to most of your major needs as a person. This responsibility does not entail my doing for you what you are capable of doing for your self; nor does it mean that I ran your life for you. It does imply acknowledging that what I am and what I do affects you, so that I am directly involved in your happiness and your misery. A lover does have the capacity to hurt or neglect the loved one, and in these sense I see that love entails an acceptance of some responsibility for the impact my way of being has on you.

爱意味着对我爱的人有责任心。如果我爱你,我就会对你作为人的大多数主要需求有所反应。这种责任心并不是说我为你做你自己能够做的事,也不意味着我为你来管理你的生活。它真正意味着承认我的为人和我的所为对你的影响力,这样一来我会直接地分享你的快乐和痛苦。一个人的确可能会伤害或忽视他所爱的人。在这个意义上说,我认为爱包含着我要为我(的生活方式)对你的影响承担一定的责任。

 

Love means growth for both myself and the person I love. If I love you, I am growing as a result of my love. You are a stimulant for me to become more fully what I might become, and my loving enhances your being as well. We each grow as a result of caring and being care for; we each share in an enriching experience that does not detract from our being.

爱意味着我和我爱的人都要成熟发展。如果我爱你,我会因为爱你而自我发展。你是激励我更加充实的动力,我的爱也会令你不断完善提高。我们因爱与被爱而发展完善;我们彼此分享积累的丰富经验而又不削弱自己的个性。

 

Love means making a commitment to the person I love. This commitment does not entail surrendering our total selves to each other; nor does it imply that the relationship is necessarily permanent. It does entail a willingness to stay with each other in times of pain, uncertainty, struggle, and despair, as well as in times of calm and enjoyment.

爱意味着对我爱的人作出承诺。这种承诺并不是说我们要放弃自己的个性;也不是指这种关系是一成不变的。这这种承诺确实包含着愿意在痛苦时刻、犹豫时刻、斗争时刻、绝望时刻和平静与快乐时刻,彼此之间相互支持。

 

Love means trusting the person .If love you, I trust that you will accept my caring and my love and that won't deliberately hurt me. I trust the reciprocal nature of our love. If we trust each other, we are willing to be open to each other and can shed masks and pretenses and reveal our true selves.

爱意味着信任我爱的人。如果我爱你,我相信你会接受我对你的关心和爱意,并且你也不会故意伤害我。我相信你会发现我可爱,不会抛弃我;我相信我们的爱是相互的,如果我们互相信任,那么我们就愿意敞开心扉,摘下面具,去掉伪装,显示我们真实的自我。

 

Love can tolerate imperfection. In a love relationship there are times of boredom, times when I may feel like giving up, times of real strain, and times I experience an impasse. Authentic love does not imply enduring happiness, I can stand during rough times, however, because I can remember what we had together in the past, and I can picture what we will have together in our future if we care enough to face our problems and work them through. Love is a spirit that changes life. Love is a way of life that is creative and that transforms. However, I do not view love as being reserved for a perfect world. “Love is meant for our imperfect world where things go wrong. Love is meant to be a spirit that works in painful situations. Love is meant to bring meaning into life where nonsense appears to reign." In other words, love comes into an imperfect world to make it livable.

爱意味着容忍缺点。在爱的关系中,会有厌烦的时候,有想放弃的时候,有非常紧张的时候和有经历绝境的时候。真爱不仅仅意味着能共同分享幸福的时刻。在艰难困苦的时期我也能和你在一起,因为我记得我们过去在一起度过的时刻,如果我们对问题给予足够的重视,面对问题并能度过困难时期,我能想象我们将来在一起是个什么样子。爱是改变生活的精神力量。爱是一种创造性的生活方式并能使生活改善。但我并不认为爱是完美世界独有的。“爱是给予我们这个有问题的不完善的世界的。爱是在痛苦的情况下发挥作用的精神。爱使看上去无意义的生活变得有意义。”换句话说,爱走进这个不完美的世界使它适合人们居住。

 

Love is freeing. Love is freely given, not doled out on demand. At the same time, my love for you is not dependent on whether you fulfill my expectations of you. Authentic love does not imply “I’ll love you when you become perfect or when you become what I expect you to become." Authentic love is not given with strings attached. There is an unconditional quality about love.

爱是自由的行为。爱是自愿地付出,而不是在要求之下的施舍。与此同时,我对你的爱并不取决于你是否满足了我对你的期望。真爱并不意味着“当你成为完美的人或当你成为我所期望的那种人时,我才爱你。”真爱不是带有附加条件的付出。爱是无条件的。

 

Love is expansive. If I love you, I encourage you to reach out and develop other relationships. Although our love for each other and our commitment to each other might bar certain actions on our parts, we are not totally and exclusively wedded to each other. It is a pseudo love that cements one person to another in such a way that he or she is not given room to grow.

爱是博大的。如果我爱你,我会鼓励你向外发展,建立其他的人际关系。虽然我们之间的爱和彼此的承诺不允许我们做某些事情,但是我们并不是完全栓在一起的。把一个人和另外一个人栓在一起,而不给予他发展的空间,这是虚伪的爱。

 

The honest evidence of our love is your commitment to encouraging another's full development. We are interdependent personalities who need one another's presence in order to fulfill our destiny. And yet, we are also separate individuals. We must come to terms with our struggles alone.

我们之间的爱的真实证明是我们承诺要鼓励对方的充分发展。我们相互依存,需要对方的存在来完成自己的使命。然而我们又是独立的个体。我们必须独自面对自我的奋斗。

 

Love means having a want for the person I love without having a need for that person in order to be complete. If I am nothing without you, then I'm not free to love you. I love you and you leave, I’ll experience a loss and be sad and lonely, but I'll still be able to survive. If I am overly dependent on you for my meaning and my survival, then I am not free to challenge our relationship’ nor am I free to challenge and confront you. Because of my fear of losing you, I’ll settle for less than I want, and this settling will surely lead to feelings of resentment.

爱意味着我需要我爱的人,但并不是说缺少他就不行。如果没有你我就无法生存,那么我就不能自由地爱你。我爱你,你离开了,我会失落、难过和孤独,但我还能生活下去。如果我的价值和生存过于依赖你,那我就没有自由来审视我们之间的关系;也就没有审视和反驳你的自由。因为我害怕失去你,我就会降低要求,这样一来就会使我产生不满情绪。

 

Love means identifying with the person I love. If I love you, I can empathize with you and see the world through your eyes. I can identify with you because I'm able to see myself in you and you in me. This closeness does not imply a continual" togetherness," for distance and separation are sometimes essential in a loving relationship. Distance can intensify a loving bond, and it can help us rediscover ourselves, so that we are able to meet each other in a new way.

爱意味着能够理解我爱的人。如果我爱你,我就会理解你,通过你的眼睛去看世界。我能理解你是因为我能在你身上看到我自己,在我身上也看到了你。这种亲密无间并不意味着持续地呆在一起,因为距离和分别在爱的关系中有时是必要的。距离会使爱的关系加强,有助于我们重视发现自己,这样我们就能以新的方式面对对方。

 

Love is selfish. I can only love you If am empty, then all I can give you is my emptiness. If I feel that I'm complete and worthwhile in myself, then I'm able to give to you out of my fullness. One of the best ways for me to give you love is by fully enjoying myself with you.

爱是以自我为出发点的。如果我能真爱自己、珍视自己、欣赏自己和尊重自己,我才能爱你。如果我感到自己是完整的,有价值的人,那么我就能让你分享我的充实。对我来说,给予你爱的最好方式就是和你在一起充分分享我的一切。

 

Love involves seeing the potential within the person we love. In my love for another, I view her or him as the person she or he can become, while still accepting who and what the person is now. Goethe’s observation is relevant here: by taking people as they are, we make them worse, but by treating them as if they already were what they ought to be, we help make them better.

爱包含着能看到我爱的人的潜在能力。我对对方的爱是指我把他看作是将来要成为的那种人,与此同时,我承认他的现状。歌德有一句与此相关的评论:根据人们的现状来对待他们,我们会使他们变得越来越差,按照他们应达到的目标来对待他们,我们就会帮助他们变得更好。

 

Mature love is union under the condition of preserving one's integrity, one's individuality. In love this paradox occurs that two beings become one and yet remain two.

成熟的爱是基于保持各自的完整和独立性的结合。爱中会有这样的矛盾:合二为一,却又一分为二。

 

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